Three Things

1. Luke 8:40-48

2. Isaiah 53:11 "After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life/the result of the suffering of his soul and be satisfied..."

3. The great paradox: that healing can flow from a wound.

My mom called while I was driving to the Beth Moore Bible Study Nancy signed us up for a couple of weeks ago. I haven't really been yet (I say really because the first Monday, I walked in and it was cold. So I got my book and left. I've been doing the weekly homework assignments and knew I should check it out at least one good full-length time.). Mom asked some leading questions about where it was and who I was going with, did I really like the church or am I going because that's where Dad and Nancy go... those fun ones. Then she asked what the study was about. Breaking free, I said. Free of what? she said. I told her I don't think I really know FREEDOM in Christ, that it's a struggle for me. Does she know? I asked. More than anything, she assured me. And then went on for awhile about sanctity and satiating and other sentences that came out flat and sad. Judging? No. Heart broken because I know that when I asked if she was satisfied and she answered about contentment and how she'd be settling if she was ever satisfied with all she could be in this life and how 25 years ago (ahem, what happened circa 25 years ago?...), she let go of the dream of attaining unattainable goals. And now she's realized she's unstoppable.

(Or maybe that's that Rascal Flats song coming to mind because of all the bloody Olympics I've been watching.)

All to say, she used up the 'airtime' as she calls it and then apologizes for taking it (again) when I tell her I have to go. I scoff out loud, probably intentionally. She asks why? I say because it's funny: Every time she calls, she apologizes for taking up the airtime. I'm sorry, she says again. Why don't you text me three things you learn in your Bible Study tonight? Okay, I say. Fine, I say. I love you.

So that's what I texted her. Afraid so much of bitterness and wounds that hurt hurt HURT right now.

honest to goodness blog, huh? sorry for taking up airtime. again.

And yet God still woos us to a spacious place. That's Beth speaking under all that hair and leopard print.

Press in. Don't stop trying to get wherever it is I'm aching to reach. CROSS THE BORDER, was her revival cry tonight.

Amen, girlfriend?

Temptation

How To Make a Bad Decision in Less Than One Commercial Break:

Do I watch super [cute] hero athletes break records?



Or torture myself?



Avoid all extremes, says the Book of Proverbs. So I watched Bode Miller take the gold in slalom and Noah take Allie on a boat tour of the white duck swamp.

Now, I feel a little like the director when he realized the night before the shoot he ordered 1200 black geese... And a little like the Swiss man who blew it by .0008 of a second.

Why WHY did I turn on the television tonight?

I hate technology.

(Except Krissy's blog - www.littledidtheyknow.wordpress.com... Redemption through suffering post-Industrial Revolution. Sniff.)

10th of February. Wednesday.

The McDowell Mountains...
Proud and craggy, like the old cowboys who used to run cattle in these here parts.
Today, it's preserved for recreational enthusiasts and passing-through executives from other corners and pockets of the States.
Now, we're the ones who graze in the deep of the washes, working awkwardly through sandy gravel,
Taking care to stay on the trails to avoid the stockings of scattered skeletons of cholla,
Sage dotted on the raised valley floor like cupcake decorations
Puts you closer to the sky, seems like you should duck
So you don't collide with a hawk or a cloud
Rain forms a wide ring, the center filled with Arizona Sun.
And in the distance
More Mountains
That bring a question to mind:

How much time do you have to hear about this?

8th Feb. Days Like This. Monday.

When you don't need an answer, There'll be days like this...

I just have to remember, There'll be days like this.

So says good o' Van Morrison. He's from Dublin, or Belfast. Either way, he's Irish, bless him.

My head feels fuzzy.

So says a lovely Kathleen Kelly upon receiving a gift of daisies, a happy dose of flowers to treat her most terrible cold. A cold that came upon right after a break-up.

But I don't call it a break-up. I call it "letting go." It's an active passivity kind of decision. I don't think temporary pain can be weighed against long-term benefits. Umm, reap what you sow concept? It's been planted, now it's undergoing some storms, some droughts, some seed scattering. Just wait till that Harvest.

Right?

I'm trusting. Decisions like this are the one's that determine the kind of person I'll be tomorrow.

Not that the decisions made in conference rooms on the 23rd floor of the Downtown Phoenix Headquarters of Wells Fargo don't hold as much weight in the Joy of 2020.

{I just have to comment on my group interview for the Bank Teller Position at one of the local branches.
I won't say much. Just a little about the girl to my left with the carefully styled black boofy hair, the caked on orange makeup and black mascara, the black dress outfit (it was an Outfit, probably found in the 'Business Professional/Clubbing on Girls Night Out' section at one of the two hundred malls in the greater metropolitan Phoenix area. It was completed with closed-toe black platform shoes, which are what I would soon learn considered an Add-On, i.e., an accessory...), and the super pumped 'tude. She was prepared with answers for each of the five key questions the Wells Fargo recruiter asked our group of nine. My favorites, though:

Question: Name a significant professional accomplishment. What were some of the challenges you overcame? Was there a particular recognition you received?
Pixie's Answer: Okay. So I, like, haven't had any real challenges yet but I finally got accepted to beauty school and it starts in May and I, like, know it's going to be super hard but I'm, like, ready because I know that it'll be totally worth it.

Question: Why do you want to work for Wells Fargo?
Answer: Well, I want to be a hairstylist and I know that, like, I'll learn how to interact with the same kind of people I'd, like, encounter at the salon.

Question: Have you ever met a sales goal? If so, what was the reward?
Answer: Yes! OMG, like, every Christmas I work at Fashion Square, and we have this thing where you, like, have to sell so much and when people buy stuff we try to get them to buy Add-Ons, like, accessories and stuff. And when you sell it you, like, can win the denim! And I totally won the denim this year! (Squeezed-face smile!)

I'm sorry. I know it's awful but she was so stuck in that packaging you buy Barbie's in. Totally. After the interview she looked at me as we were getting on the elevator: OMG that was AWFUL! I'm so nervous!}

Me, too, Trixie. Me too.

But even she deserves this job over me. She was nervous at least. Me, I didn't really care. I have a cold, for one. And I have a job I love (my professional challenge? getting individuals up a 13,000 foot volcano. The reward? standing on the summit with people who just did something they doubted they could accomplish. anyways.). Why did I go then? To have more characters to write about, for one. And to cross it off the list. I might have always wondered if Bank Teller could've been my calling.

Not today.

So thank goodness there are remedies for days like this. I went to the Nature Preserve and took notes on the desert.

And then of course there are the people that You use on days like this.

All the same, days like this don't end until the worst part is confronted and wrestled with. And night is here. Dang it. I hoped all day it wouldn't come and yet here it is staring at me all big and black and more intimidating than the thoughts I had while standing patiently on the elevator as it shot up to the 23rd floor this morning. I felt my ears pop and could only think about what it would be like plummeting to the basement. Funny that I came out a 100% Optimist on my latest spiritual gifts assessment.

Anyways, I'm going to face it. Me and Van, who's now singing Tupelo Honey, which I've actually tasted. And it is sweet. Even on days like this, I imagine it would still be sweet. Thank goodness for consistency.

5th February. Waste Nothing Friday.

Long Distance Relationships...

Twelve Other Things I'd Rather Think About:

1. Switzerland
2. The base line in "Mother and Child Reunion" by Paul Simon
3. Spinatto's Spinach Pizza
4. Sidewalks
5. Tea Tree Triple Treat Invigorating Shampoo by Giovanni
6. Life before Cell Phones
7. Bicycles
8. My 'Wow' Factor for Tomorrow's Hike (Orange Slices, Silver Platters, and Mesquite Flour are already taken. Sigh.)
9. The Group Interview I was summoned for by Wells Fargo 9 AM Monday Morning
10. Spiritual Gifts Assessment Tests
11. The starry starry complexion of this desert sky
12. 12 more things I could come up with that would so be better than dwelling on something so not present

(Mostly I think one day is enough for Colin Powell to be featured on the Front Page of my blogspot. Already people are questioning if I've gone crazy; we don't need more fodder. He can go to the archives now. You should've seen him though. Amazing. I bet he doesn't keep a sorry blog.)

Speaking of sorry, did you know there's a "missyourmate.com"? I found it accidentally. I typed in LONG DISTANCE on dictionary.com so I can find out who invented this lousy 'relationship' concept (you know I'm heading to Wikipedia as soon as this is posted) and there was Robert Frost! "Two roads diverged..." The poem was featured on "missyourmate". Why? I wondered for two seconds before I quickly navigated away.. FAR FAR away from there.

It doesn't help, technology. The point of today's post, besides all of those other things that I was really excited about five hours ago: I really really really don't like LONG DISTANCE. I'm going to change the phrase to CARPE DIEM OR DIE DISTANCE. Because if you're not pouring your heart and soul into whatever it is you're up to, you'll find yourself analyzing the lyrics of The Eagles' songs and wanting to hurt the people behind the Industrial Revolution for allowing The Leisure of Choice, opening the door to options beyond working the farm.. I'd much rather swoon. and pine. and whatever else it was girls used to do over their loves (besides waste away in a brothel). How am I supposed to be a Proverbs 31 Lady nowadays when the US Highway System is so thorough, so litter-free, so accessible?

So. Do something. Don't cry. You're wasting your time. Pain is for Sissy's.

That's all.

4th de Fevrier: Motivational Thursday.

Colin Powell?! Try Colin WOW-ell. Man alive - there's an ALIVE MAN. Chockobock FULL of Purpose and Passion and Direction and Focus. Inspirational sounds too cloud nine. This is a man who uses weighty words, heavy with potential and promise and onward soldier motion in steady stride towards the future.

The man drank tea with Gorbechov. And now he shares morning coffee with his "beloved wife."

I'm, like, totally his biggest fan today.