It's What You Bring To The World

Gifts. We all have them. Find yours and pursue it with all your might and there you go: your life's purpose. God gave "it" to you. Don't neglect it. Don't waste your time on anything that isn't going to build on nurturing this Gift. 

But what if...

(You know what the question is)

I don't know my Gift. I know that I really really want to know what "it" is so I can start living already. I mean, look at this mess and mosaic of experiences and seasons and characters and stories I've collected; the strange diet I've picked up; the clothes I've worn basically through all of it, that is the post-college years... the years when I should know but am excused, thank goodness, because no one really knows; they're just good fakers. But I can't buy clothes when I don't know what climate or hemisphere I'll be living in, can I?

And here I am, blistered feet from rocky ground run over one too many days and a tired pair of tennis shoes that should have been re-tired this time last year. Bloody. Sore. Older. Back at home, or in a home (the one in Arizona this time. I've never lived here so I don't know if it counts as 'home' but it's where Dad is. and my new family, bless them. It's home. I know it. You just know it, right? Or is that place supposed to be the compass' foot? Lake Forest Ranch, for instance. Or is it the person you wish was with you because they need you? Hannah, for instance. Or (and this is where I'm stuck) is it where you're heading? Johnny, for instance. Katy, Texas, for zip code.  

I just don't know. I do know perseverance through suffering, if you could call this "suffering" in light of something as tragic as two earthquakes in Haiti. 

So this is my post of gratitude. My "Hallelujah!" and "May It Be" of all the things I store up and ponder in my heart. Maybe I should keep them there. But Anne of Green Gables profoundly offered up a philosophy that sank into my dreams last night (yes, I've been watching The Collection. It was a Christmas present..): "..it's what you bring to the world." Not what the world has to give you. Not the Taj Mahal, which I've never seen, or Macchu Piccu, or Antarctica, which I didn't even think I cared if I ever saw, but now I don't know. Dang Geography. Dang you, Globe, for being so round and wonderful and non-linear. 

All to say, today, it is my duty, my deed, to shout out to The Void that if you, dear void, know what you should be doing and aren't doing it, you're sinning. Show me your faith without deeds...

I'm feeling a little worthless.  Probably why I dreamed also last night that Aunt Linda and Uncle Steve were asking Dad if they could hire me to make them happy.  Dad let me in on a deal that Uncle Jon had stumbled across: you can make money by making people happy! Brilliant! Sign me up! 

Sigh. I miss the Hundred Acre Wood. Even a half acre in the Hundred Acre would do.